 |
| Image Courtesy : wallpaperciv.com |
Why do men and women marry?
I dare to put forward my hypotheses:
Hypothesis 1: They marry to create a label "married" before the world, which is a sign of security, self esteem and respectability. Lest you are labelled as vulnerable, frustrated and inferior.
Hypothesis 2 : They marry to know the sensual pleasures of lovemaking and romance, which is bestowed on them only within a wedlock. It is true that it happens outside wedlock too, but to all always accessible of course is marriage itself, all other are just darker secrets.
Hypothesis 3: Some genuinely are so fond of children and desire for themselves, that they would have to marry for it.
There are certain varied reasons for women and men to marry. For women, "how would she live without a man's support?"; for men " who would take care of them and their homes?" - They ask!
In a world where everyone seeks companionship of a marriage band, how would one move around in social circles alone? Wont you feel a little left out , when you are of marriageable age and seen without a spouse?
And it is especially so , in this Facebook world, where how do you post those happily wedded snaps?
And the most ironical is the fact that people marry for companionship! Living together under the same roof continuously for years together is "companionship" - Alas! And who is here in today's world who doesn't keep secret friendships, under the justified umbrella of soul-mates and companions, with whom they share a lot which they couldn't for umpteen reasons, share to the "companion" they married for!
Now why did I marry? For one and more of these same reasons.
Now when I look at it, I feel at times I shouldn't have.. I wouldn't have had to share my space .. I wouldn't have had to be answerable for anything to anyone.... I would have just lived the way I wanted..
But then, I couldn't have done any of these at all ! I might have led a horrible spinster life, with no social life and so many relatives to rule me and decide things for me.. I really do not know..
But I guess when my hair greys and age shows more on me, when I am fifty probably I would move away and find my personal space, I would like to live in a cosy studio apartment , travelling alone seeing places, sleeping and waking up as and when I want.. with no compromises to anyone, no disapproval from anyone, with books and movies and music and the skies .. I would wander lonely .. and FREE :)
sometimes it feels life sentenced, which prevents a free bird and in an another occasion, happy with our children and wife. However if a chance to see that idiot who invented the wedlock........!!! Nice thoughts Pygma, especially the concluding para
ReplyDeleteoho , appol ellaam orey thoniyil thanne alle ... kalyanam kandupidichavane kittiyaal pidichu policil thanne elppikkanam .. Thanks Kamal for reading and sharing your view
Deletewelcome back twin, the blunt honest echoing of your inner thoughts still alive and kicking...
ReplyDeletemarriage essentially is a social act where a man and woman join hands hoping to find a partner to confide in totally, one who would care, love, pamper ..oh all those lovely dreams of the prince and the princess. It is a sort of license the society provides for public display of endearment and the awareness and acceptance of the act of love making within closed doors.
As time goes by the love and love making reduces,such is the human mind. The longing to find a partner to whom one can reveal anything and everything without the fear of severing any social bond surfaces. The long lost love and affection and lust is regained, which in the course of time can again create boredom but does not impose any liability on anyone, since all such relationships remain secretive and even if the ties are broken, both can move on as if nothing had happened, the cushion is there back home to fall on, the married partner. Cases of being a pain to each other is common, but I don't think that is a subject of discussion here. The case of being bored with one's partner, not being able to be completely oneself without hurting the ultimate possessiveness that marriage had granted et al. Children however remain the gluing factor in most families. Many parents remain partners because they love their children are worried about their future and fear that society might not consider them good enough to interact if the parents separate. Having said all this, I have felt that there is a major difference between married men and women. Men have more opportunities and self exercised freedom which man apparently denies the woman, because if a woman is found deriving pleasure from a clandestine relationship it reflects negatively on the man's virility and his inability to control the woman (supposedly the weaker and meeker one). Hence, it is mostly women who long for the freedom from the shackles marriage had offered them, freedom from being the house maker, freedom from being responsible always, especially Indian women. Men however, after having enjoyed all the pleasures that deviations would offer, love to back home in the comfort of the company of the partner, who is expected to cater to his needs, cook clean, be polite and love him unconditionally. Be back home as a responsible father, husband and hence a socially respected being. The daring however, do break all ties enjoy life their way without bothering much about social stigmas, the meeker tend to confine themselves with the walls of their home. However, technology has offered them the opportunity to remain secretive from the society and still be able to share their darkest secrets with one or more partners , an opportunity to bask in the heat offered by the virtual world. Keep writing twin. cheers
yespee : i like the way you honestly acknowledge the difference between men and women and all that. Marriage is a philosophy in itself I suppose.. For me its not the boredom or conflicts that makes me feel so... its the freedom i crave for.. freedom not to be bonded , ultimate freedom
Deleteyou have narrated with clarity the stages in and out of marriage .. brutally honest as you are .. cheers twin
You know I have missed you. A lot.
ReplyDeleteYour post scared me....very much.
Companionship is a boring word until it gets touched with love.. I dont need companionship alone.
I hope I dont get married for the reasons you stated.
Do whatever you want....you deserve to be happy. :)
Dearest Red, It is a fact that we are bonded by words.. deep indeed.. despite the time lapse..
DeleteDo not be scared.. there is nothing to be scared of .. It is all about experiencing, do not shy away from the beautiful side of marriage..
What makes me say all these, is the loner in me who loves to be alone , notwithstanding the love element.. but I wanted the beauties of marriage, and I had it too.. This is a need for self, which most women (and men) may feel.. Go ahead in life dear one, savouring the flavours it offers :) but i feel you can do one thing from the start.. establish your freedom .. I gave it up unnecessary even when he never demanded anything of me , and it has become a habit that i find it difficult to break it too.. If you haven't read Ladies' Coupe by Anitha Nair, do read ..