When he told me that he committed himself in love to another woman, I understood his love for me for the first time. He had done that for me. To make me fall out of my guilt, from which I suffered since the day I told him that I can no longer imagine being in love with him. He must have guessed that my change was due to reasons best known to me.. my wanting to be myself..
When I told him after a year of ‘genuine pretenses’ that I don’t feel ‘in love’ but do love, he vanished from me for a week. I sensed the pain, insult and humiliation I cast on him. It made me suffer guilt, anxiety, and insomnia.. I was drawn between two rival claims – I want his support, care, love and prayers always AND I want to be free from all obligation and be myself. When he tells me “I miss you” , I don’t want to repeat the same as a solemn reply. At the same time whenever I feel like hugging him and rain my thoughts on him, I should be able to. In short I am selfish.
To accomplish this liberation, I made reasons and fought with him, was rude and harsh, accused him of never trying to understand me and see my mind and blah blah… Now when he told me about his new found love, I did not feel jealous, but tears filled my eyes, out of gratitude..
He knows me so well.. I know he did that for me.. I hope he doesn’t hurt her as I had hurt him
And now I can easily, walk with him clinging to his finger tip like a child, and hug my Ibi and tell him how much he means to me and that I love him beyond restrictions and limits..
this is showing u r innocent mind well done
ReplyDeleteVery Nice....:)
ReplyDeleteLucky you! :-)
ReplyDeleteAn undercurrent of mental agony running through the lines...touching dear...:-)
ReplyDelete@ananymous: innocent? ME? u better remain anonymous.. alla pinne ;)
ReplyDelete@ paravanam: thank you pal
@Smee: looks like, na :)
@ Nasneen: u r a darling dear :)
pygmaaaaaaaaa...superrrrrrbbbbbbbb..
ReplyDeletethankssssssssss suma:)
ReplyDeletedey enthayalum theepatti aayilallo :) keeps me guessing though
ReplyDeletevery nice pygmaa :)
ReplyDeletethankyou marar.. santosham ee vazhi vannathinu..
ReplyDeleteTHE HUMAN MIND--puzzling, inexplicable yet so flexible---
ReplyDelete@yespee: looks like 'mind ur mind'. lest one may get lost in its mazes..thnx dear
ReplyDeletesimple though meaningfull.. nice...
ReplyDeleteVery nice... liked the emotion and confidence...
ReplyDeletethnk you anonymous and KP:)
ReplyDeletei scrolled here and there, finally stuck to this page. itz OK. good.
ReplyDelete"a confused blend of extremes and contradictions... traditional but unconventional... spiritual but not religious... extremely lazy but full of energy, too lazy to be tired... informal but impersonal... rebellious but law abiding... concerned but detached.. inspite of all the contradictions, always clear in my thoughts and highly positive too...seek the best in everyone..trying to figure out more"
after reading these lines, i got the answers of the other posts.
wish u good luck
Thankyou JP
ReplyDeleteif you are a selfish person,why you wrote this one here?why cant you simply avoid him?i feel you are trying to make an image for you which is not true.
ReplyDelete@anony: wah! i just love this comment.. great to know that i am a pseudo;)
ReplyDeletebtw, i write here what i feel at the time i am writing.. and this is my space where i just get rid of my pretenses and be my true self..
u r most welcome to leave ur suggestions and comments.. i stand honoured by ur comment:)i guess it means i amnt selfish, right?
:P
ReplyDeleteGot to this blog thru Chintan(Blunt Bogger) and loved many of your entries. You write very elegantly. it might seem at time that you are trying to off-load some guilt, but if you feel it you own it. Its your guilt and you can do what you want to with it.
ReplyDeletethank you woman for the visit and your words:)
ReplyDelete