I know very well that I am not a writer by
talent or by profession. It is just that writing makes me feel light.. to throw
away my suppressed resentment at times or to relive the wonders and magic of my
dreams and plunge in the beauty of it again and again. I had wanted to write
for few days now, but was not able to reach till my desk and ‘finger’ my
laptop.
My parents had come over for a week’s stay
with us, and to celebrate Adi’s seventh birthday.
They left yesterday, leaving me heavy with
guilt. I was quite rude to both my parents, I just could not control my temper;
Mummy can irritate me like none other. It is not that they are troubling me,
rather I may be venting out my emotions which I have kept somewhere, knowingly
titling them as non- existent. And mummy is one person on whom I throw tantrums
and shout and yell, I know it hurts her when I do it before her son in law. But
what can I do? For me both are equally part of me, that I be natural and show
her my worst. Anyways, she is acting quite cold whenever I called her up today.
It will melt soon, though she may not understand me the way I understand
myself.
When I look at my father and it gets on me
that he is ageing, I get angry that he is getting old. I was very irritable; I
just couldn’t understand why just at seventy he is behaving like an extremely
old man? All my emotions reflected as
mere anger, and no one understands why?
For all, I am rude.. sometimes, I do not know to show my finer emotions.
Strong rocks used to make beautiful sculptures!
ReplyDeleteThey say, the beauty hidden within the
Rock , sculpturer just removes the unwanted
Parts from it!
Convert our -ve thoughts that way!
Keep writing!
yesssss.. should peel away the unwanted
Deletebut then i may be all the more rough and unstructured!
shall i take the risk, i wonder:)
I think you write very well, Pygma! The first para was beautifully penned! Aside from that, this is therapeutic for you so I say go for it as often as you wish dear! As much as we love our parents, they can really get on our nerves sometimes. It's human nature so don't beat yourself up about it too much *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThe last para made me chuckle because I think the same way about my father, these days. I feel like he's making himself old before his time :D Don't worry, it will all settle down like you said . . . have a nice weekend :-)
therapeutic.. wow.. exact word!
Deletethank you so much and have a great weekend:)
be the untamed wild being you are---tone down the out bursts when it comes to parents---u do owe them for all those they have given you....i used to be like you---but, now i give it an extra bit of thought----after all they are my parents---their thoughts are different---after having lived "their way" for double my age--i cant expect them to change---i would rather adjust/compromise/ be silent--whatever------i dont think you would love it when you grow old and your child does the same to you----control of emotions is possible----u just have to put your mind to it--(saint joh vachanangal!!!!)--cheers----u write well twin!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteyes boss :)
Deletecheers my twin!
This is so me..we sometimes try to claim ourselves from those who gave us birth..our only refuge
DeleteYes, You have said it! we claim ourselves from our parents!Our sole Solace!!!
DeleteThank You:-)
"It is just that writing makes me feel light.. to throw away my suppressed resentment at times or to relive the wonders and magic of my dreams and plunge in the beauty of it again and again"..
ReplyDeletevery well said pygmaa keep writing...
Thank You Dasan..
DeleteIts ok to feel and react thus, after all we are only human. Its ok to make-up too, a sincere apology and a few words of love should go a long way.
ReplyDeletelots of love..
Its all made up, already.. it never lasts longer with mummy, haha!
DeleteThanks for the warm embrace here:-)
Parents, anyone folks close to us can be annoying - as we ourselves
ReplyDeletecan surely be. HOwever, you must find a way to stop yelling at your
mother - seriously? As for your father - seventy is old -duh.
Give yourself and them a break - afterall it's not as if you are
a teenager stuck at home. Concentrate on their good qualities and
practice being kind EVEN if you don't feel like it.
Try not to let your emoitons rule you.
There are other people who annoy you who you would never dream of
yelling at, so you CAN control yourself if you want to. Grow Up.
Now now! Cynthia.. What an advice
DeleteBut to be frank, its the most uncalled for and insensible, I need as of now.. for the evry reason that I amnt a child! Grow up Cynthia:-)
I find my parents as my 'own' .. hence all this!
and it does'nt mean I am only yelling and I stay in anger.. Its just that it happens at times.. and its the most natural too... I have never been angry with them for even a night's duration.. and they too!
Sorry for late entry..:)..Well written....no advice or suggestion from my side...b'caz I always act same like u..:)..hugs
ReplyDeleteHugsss and you have all rights to advise or scold me, whenever u find I need that.. I would oblige .. love
DeleteI get angry too. I wish, I could go back to the times when I was a child and parents were younger. I hate God for the way he runs this world.
ReplyDeleteyou have got me so truly chintu.. love
DeleteI behave similarly with my mommy, but its mostly coz i think i have every right on her, as she has on me. i upset her a lot, but it all gets better with time. :)
ReplyDeleteYes Diksha, I feel more freedom to be myself with none other than them
Delete"‘finger’ my laptop".... I am tickled! Very rarely people use it as a verb! I think it'll be cool to use it often!
ReplyDeleteAnd regarding the emotional part...."anger is a momentary madness"...so get possessed and mad for sometime....people who know you well will get that you are only "possessed":)
We laughed over it over phone .. mummy and me..
DeleteI was wondering where were you:-)