Buzz

I tried to escape under the guise of confused emotions, hence the silence so far..

The issue is complex and not just a matter of inserting a penis into a vagina, forcefully. (That by no means is meant to imply anything less heinous)

Rape is the tip of the iceberg. It is the ultimate volcanic manifestation of matters churning for a long time, in a very wrong way.  Where did the men go wrong, or probably all men and women went wrong? If women are seen as objects of sexual gratification, the stigma is not on them alone, but on you and me, as well.  

Is it lust that lifts up the male flesh so unconditionally or is it the reckless show of power (which men and women believe) that men have over women, or is it the frustrated outbursts of the deprived men, the envy arising at the sight of what they can’t afford to ‘own’? Whatever it may be, it is definitely about emotional and sexual illiteracy.

The occurrence of rape being so frequent, and with increasing brutality, sheer detesting and the hue and cry we raise is insufficient. This is an age old problem which needs a solution, a cure, preventive as well as punitive.

The causes, I think, are centered on the position attributed to women generally and the sick lust outbursts.

This is what I have learnt. Both my parents were holding jobs. Mommy would do all the cooking and cleaning and home keeping and caring as well. Achan would read newspaper in the morning, when mommy serves him tea. When all of us sit for dinner, and if someone needs a pinch of salt or a glass of water, a spoon or anything, mommy would rise and would get it from kitchen.  Today both of them have crossed 70 and they still continue the same. Mommy had told me many times that I should learn to make home, as I should ‘go’ to ‘another house’. My brothers were not told or expected to. I had swept the floor, mopped, washed vessels, done dusting and cleaning. I have not seen my two brothers ever doing these. They still don’t do.

This is what I attempt to unlearn. I do tremendously less home making than what my mom used to do. Many times, my husband and I cook together after returning from work. But many more times I cook alone after both of us returning together. And there are so many small errands and roles which are deemed to be suited for me to perform, because I am the SHE in the house. Not that it is imposed on me, but by natural or trained instinct, I do all that or rather I am expected to do. But I thoughtfully am bringing in a change now, because I am afraid my son would carry forward the same lessons as me. To a casual observer/reader these are of no implications or relevance. But as a woman, I understand that it is highly relevant that women are men are equal in all aspects, as far as dignity is concerned. There is no need to stereotype any role to anyone. Small little things add up to a BIG attitude. I have decided to spare my son of that. But for this, I need my husband’s cooperation as well. The respect he gives me in words and deeds and even by a small demeanor carves my son’s outlook on women. More so, I should uphold my self-respect, even at the cost of a momentary breach of peace at home.

Movies play a significant role in shaping attitudes, specially about women. How many times have we heard that hero’s romantic dialogue, that “you are my girl. I want you to give birth to my children, cook for me and wait for me to kiss and make love”. How many times we have repeated that kingly line: “After all you are a woman, a mere woman.”  Once when he told me teasingly that “I will rape you , you are so tempting” as I kidded and wooed him away, I laughed in stupid glee. But I understand now that, ‘Rape’ is not a four letter word to be used in fun. It is a generation of insolence.

The grave aspect of lust is to be addressed even more delicately. Sexuality and sexual urge is very human. Our society allows sex only in the auspices of wedlock. And marriage is a luxury, not affordable to many due to lack of funds and wrong stellar configuration. So what is being suppressed is their biological need and urge. To add to this menace, sex illiteracy is of such a level that orientations are developed through the filthy magazine pages and pornographic movies. It is not that I wouldn’t have liked to see porn at an appropriate age and mood. But it is about the incest, rape, seduction and such farting foreplay that mould the sexual make up of many. So censor board scissors are to slice away not the nudity and the sexual intercourse, but the impermissible violations on humanity. Not to touch a person’s body without his/her permission, that too for sexual purpose, is morality. Not to demean a human being on the ground of being a woman, is morality. This is the morality we should learn and help learn.

Let there be free sex between consenting adults. Get rid of the virginity taboo. Let prostitution be legalized, as long as it is not trafficking. Let loyalty be an issue only between committed couples. If all of these are too much for a cultured Indian to swallow, let the possibilities in masturbation be explored and made popular, open and acceptable to quench one’s own self. Let sex toys be developed, well-advertised and made acceptable. Let a man not chase and pounce on another for sex.

Are the women vulnerable because of the way they dress? I do not believe so. I had been a member of a quasi-judicial body, where I saw that a woman in her fifties, who doesn’t look anything but a thin unattractive body clad in a sari, was raped at her workplace. There was no enmity between her and the accused, or any friendship. It was a mere case of a man’s lust over a body which has a hole to insert his penis. Such men are sick. And arrogant. This tendency needs to be curbed by stringent penalty. Deterrent theory helps, when all other fail.

It is true that visuals of a woman’s body arouses sexual instincts not only in men, but also in women. This is exactly the reason why women are scarcely clad in sex focused scenes. But it is a matter of choice for the woman, to decide whether men should find her sexy or respectful or both and dress and behave accordingly. But that definitely doesn’t mean that a woman gives a man a choice to rape or not to rape her, by the way she dresses.  However in a world where a man has to rape a woman, when he feels so, it is better not to draw his attention and make oneself vulnerable. Exactly like how we avoid red colour before a nasty bull. But this is not because a woman is at fault in choosing her clothes. It is because, some men are weak and in their weakness crumbles a woman’s safety, sad is the state.