One of these days in a chat room I heard a friend declaring openly that he wish he could sleep with Shweta, a lovely woman, a popular movie actor. The immediate reaction from others in the chat room depicted a display of morality, values and ethics. The greatest point of protest was that Shweta being a married woman(which I came to know then), it was ‘wrong’ to think of her that way as it would be desiring ‘another man’s wife’. There were many supporters too for this view on morality. This conversation somehow ignited a spark of thought in me. It was brave on my friend’s part to declare so openly an innate wish which many other men may also cherish in their hidden minds. Still I wondered if it was moral to have such a desire.
When the religious scriptures proclaim that a man shall not desire another’s wife, does it not mean hypocrisy? Here the only restriction is that the woman whom a man desires should not be ‘another’s wife’, though he is free to desire any woman who is not ‘owned’ by wedlock. The man’s marital status looks to be irrelevant. A married man may desire an unmarried woman and no values(and no law*) will be broken. If the custodians of morals wish to hold on to chastity of men and woman, they should reframe their rule: “A married person shall not desire anyone other than his/her spouse”. This would look more sensible and reasonable, though maybe impracticable.
In any case, is it not better to leave these matters to individual choices rather than fixing standards for matters of mind? Whatever may be the choices, one should definitely not sabotage one’s family stability, peace and healthy upbringing of children.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Indian legal system makes adultery an offence, where adultery is made out only when the woman is another's wife and when it is done without the consent of the woman's husband. If I sound absurd you may refer to Section 497 of Indian Penal Code!
:)
ReplyDeleteIt is all about Howmany Apples you can keep in your basket! - men or woman... married or not..
if there is SPACE, why not?
Morality is an adjustment in the crowd, same as the Q system....
desire is no crime----the human mind can desire whatever it needs---whether it be someone's wife or sis or whoever----there is no bravery as far as i see in blurting one's desire in public ---many men do that though not just in the chat world but in real life too----no law prevents one from desiring , but yeah actions yes---thts wat the law cares about ---my two bits---cheers
ReplyDelete:)പിഗ്മ...
ReplyDeleteപറയാനുള്ളത് പാര്വ്വണം , യെസ്പീ പറഞ്ഞു...പക്ഷെ..മോഹങ്ങള് വിളിച്ചു പറയുന്നത് ധീരത അല്ല എന്ന് വിശ്വസിക്കുന്നതിനോടൊപ്പം അത് പുറത്തു പറഞ്ഞാല് സമൂഹത്തിന്റെ സദാചാര മേല്കൂര ഇടിഞ്ഞു പൊളിഞ്ഞു താഴെ വീഴും
എന്നും വിശ്വസിക്കാന് തരമില്ല...
ഭാവുകങ്ങള് ........!
Exactly!!!The liberal idea of "live-in relationship" which sprung up in the recent years slightly questions the hypocritical moral codes...but people are so deep rooted in their "sense of unquestionable morality" that they are pathetically heedless. The most drastic is the "pretentious morality" which became an unerasable system of thought...Your post is so socially relevant Pygma dear...I absolutely agrees with you...!!
ReplyDeleteGood piece Pygma. Like you said, it is after all each persons individual choice and eventually the tug of war is only between you and your conscience.
ReplyDeleteThankyou friends for reading and commenting.
ReplyDelete@Parvanam: It is indeed a matter of the mind :) and its spaces..
@yespee: when it comes to desire, mind is ofcourse an unruly horse. and Law cannot harness desires..but religion/moral is attempting to do that, may be in vain. I felt and still feel that being able to disregard the established norms and express one's feelings openly, knowing fully that it wud fetch disapproval, is nothing less than being brave. It takes guts to be true to your thoughts and to stand for it. cheers dear
@badre: parayendathu parayenda avasarathil parayanam.. keep being true to urself!
@Nasnin: i believe "u r what u r, when u do what u do, when no one is watching u!"
@smee: exactly! u r ur monitor and nothing else really matters.
And at the end of all this I felt i havent conveyed well, what i wanted to.. Here follows my Post Script
Post Script: I was annoyed with the justification given by moral warriors. Desiring another man's wife is immoral..they say! This is nothing but 'commodifying' a woman. That she is someone's property- "thing' which cant be taken away by another. The Tenth Commandment also speaks the same thing..that you shalt not covet your neighbour's wife. Unfortunately our laws too follow the same line.. All this I feel is absurd. If at all adultery is to be condemned, it should be based on a better rationale. The wrong would be against one's own spouse and not against the man who 'owns' the woman. Woman is no longer a thing to be owned or preserved.. she is a person having her own desires and wishes.. let her choose for herself..
ReplyDelete"Woman is no longer a thing to be owned or preserved"...the male race is genetically engineered to think that way...intensely patriarchal...through ages...I really like your views...so similar to mine:-)
ReplyDeleteVery nice post.. and thought provoking too.. I liked ur frank view and totally approve. As u said it all depends on the individuals (both gender's) perspective.. and there is no use in judging people, unless we stand in their shoes..
ReplyDeleteIn any case, is it not better to leave these matters to individual choices rather than fixing standards for matters of mind? Whatever may be the choices, one should definitely not sabotage one’s family stability, peace and healthy upbringing of children.
ReplyDeletethis is what I would prefer personaly!!.... as parvanam said it all depends on how many apples a basket can carry.........