True Lies

I have heard it being said that a woman’s mind is a maze of mysteries. Though I hesitate to generalize, I know very well that mine is and I am a hell of a woman. I can be loyal to the core and be disloyal too in some corner of my mind. My thoughts turn to a shuffle mode, at a pace, not reachable to my better half. Inspite of all the dependency I am used to, I am detached from all, and many times I feel that I can survive, no matter who leaves me. And yet I say, ‘I cannot live without you”. I am honest and I do lie honestly, because I mean what I say, when I say. It is like a multiple personality disorder or a heavy dose of inherent pretenses, transforming me to the variants I adopt.

Sexuality is my gravest complication. I believe quite selfishly that it is just my swings that count, probably because a man reciprocates almost instantly to the lustful woman. On the contrary, I would never like to yield to my man’s fancies, without that ignition in me. And very rarely when I had yielded, out of a fair and just mind, I have felt that I was degraded to an object to accentuate and culminate his lust. And I hate it later on. 

And I understand now that being in love is definitely about sex, eventually. It is either for the actual act, or the dream of unison and consummation and all the flowery love and tickling hearts, it is associated with. Would there be any lovers in this world who wouldn’t dream of brushing their bodies against each other’s? If there are, wouldn’t it be a little short of ‘in love’? So why should one glorify love by severing it from lust?

Honesty is the core of any relationship. But blissful truthfulness can happen only if people accept and understand each other, as they are. I am no exception to this menace of true lies. 

Wouldn’t there be many of us who lie to our partners, to parents, to children, to colleagues..? And are there not many of us who wouldn’t ever lie to a good friend? So friendship is more unconditional and without expectations, which doesn’t need the garb of pretenses to survive and not hurt. Wouldn’t it be lovely if all were friends.. no matter what other relationship they share?