Pygma

I had an argument with a friend regarding the ego I hold, and the fake personality, which according to him, I try to build. It made me think, there was a crisis of identity which I do hold at times. 

I prefer anonymity for so many reasons. I want to spill out myself through words without fear of who may read it or not. Because of the responsible position I hold as an educator, I don’t wish to be discussed among my students about my personal life. Being married I don’t want my family to know about my ‘off the line’ thoughts and strides. Having determined to be honest to all my friends and acquaintances in the cyber world, I am sometimes rude and blunt, and I have seen people who don’t take such response, that too from a woman, in a sportive healthy sense. They take it to heart and try to defame and victimize, I don’t wish to be defamed by those who don’t mean anything to me.

 So does that mean I am faking a life, a personality which I am not? Or is it that I fake a personality with an id, and project myself as someone, I am not? Who is the real me, the name I had worn here or the one which was bestowed on me?

I seek clarity to the core, in my thoughts and words. And this is what I have realized. I do not project myself as someone I am not. Infact I lock up a part of me, for acceptability and peace at home and work. And ‘pygmalion’ is the released me, jerking out and spilling my finer thoughts, again just so that I be myself without rolling in. When I thought of coming out in the open, I couldn’t, I couldn’t kill pygma. I was perplexed, that I cannot delete an id I had created for me. It is all about me and (being) myself.  And I enjoy the secret joy I get from being in the dark and doing what I want to. On the other side of my life, I am thrilled at concealing the ‘pygmalion’ in me, I chuckle and smile thinking of the ‘me’, I am.  And to those dear friends, who know me as both, let me tell you that I am as real to you as I am to myself.